Quick, what’s the stupidest thing you can think to sell to a disgustingly rich person? Something they could easily get themselves, something which exists in abundance in their general area? Empty softdrink cans? BMWs? Homeless people to hunt for sport?
Close, but not quite. No, they’re selling designer Ice now. No, not diamonds. No, not crystal meth. Ice. Frozen water. For 8 bucks a pop. No, not per bag.
Per ICE CUBE.
Or rather, ice SPHERE. These are described as “perfect” spheres,”designed to occupy the top position in the luxury ice market”. The fucking WHAT? How the hell can something like a luxury ice market spring up? What possible universe are we living in where water, frozen, is graded on a scale? It’s WATER. It’s FROZEN. That is the END OF THE PROCESS. For the average person, the only criteria you’re looking for from ice is “hobos have not used the water as a toilet” or possibly “does not contain medical waste”.
You would need to show me photographic evidence that Scarlett Johansson had personally dripped the water into the moulds using her breasts before I would consider paying you more than $2.50 a bag, motherfucker.
The description goes on to justify this madenss by saying that “the sphere is the most efficient way to cool a drink”. Now, I’m no physicist, but I’m pretty sure the difference in cooling ability between a cube and a sphere of ice is next-to-negligable. I can just imagine their design team giving their report- “We tried the rhombus but that was just rubbish. Strangely, a dodecahedron came close, but did not surpass the sheer cooling power of the humble sphere”.
I mean, it’s just ridiculous largesse. Whoever buys these sorts of things has to have so much spare money lying around they are literally using rolls of it to wipe their arse. And yet, the market must be there. That website says so.
You wouldn’t catch me buying that nonsense, though, My ice cubes have to be in the shape of dongs, or I just drink my drink warm. You’ve got to have standards.
Tags: Weekend WTF
February 22nd, 2009 at 06:02
How large are these spheres? Since the extra cooling efficiency would come from the proportionally larger surface area, if you were really concerned about this, you’d want them smaller to increase the area/volume ratio; tiny beads would be better, and crushed ice would be best of all (but not spherical.)
That said — if they made them spherical by freezing them in zero gravity and letting surface tension form them… well, that almost might be cool enough to justify purchasing a few and keeping them in my freezer to show off at parties.
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:02
Sorry to bring the hippy side of me to the discussion… but there are people starving in Africa right now.
Fuck I hate rich people sometimes.
February 22nd, 2009 at 22:55
when’s the last time your drink stayed around long enough to require ice stu?
February 26th, 2009 at 12:25
How do you store them? Do you have to get a spherical cube storage rack (sold separately)?