| Breaking News: When it comes to contraception, people are retarded!
A survey of 1000 women has found that there is a lot of confusion about what constitutes contraception. Apparently the pill and a pack of frangers is a hard concept to grasp, and many other miscellaneous items are being substituted for these tried and true methods. Items being used as oral contraceptives include potato chips, cola and most surprisingly donner-kebabs. There’s no word yet on exactly how many women are downing a kebab before, or during, sex but if anyone has their numbers please leave a comment below. Condoms are also being replaced with seemingly cheaper options. Items being used are the unsurprising, cling-film; the totally baffling, bread; and possibly the most disgusting thing this reporter has ever heard of, chicken skin. Which just goes to show KFC isn’t just finger-licking good. British office go nude to raise morale – and erections. An office in Britain had all its employees turn up to work naked for one day, in an effort to boost morale. The day was declared a great success for all… except “Pinky-Winky Paul” whom was last seen sobbing on London Bridge while gesturing at his small penis. Stu is already investigating this policy for female employees at olilolo. |
“Moon landing faked”; according to small impoverished Asian nation.
In Bangladesh, two separate newspapers have been forced to apologise and write a retraction after they both printed articles claiming the moon landing was fake. Despite what you might think, these weren’t journalists with a crackpot theory. No, instead they were quoting Neil Armstrong himself, whom admitted the conspiracy theories and youtube videos were convincing and he himself doubted he walked on the moon. The quote went on to say that although the journey had felt real, in fact:
While things were going swimmingly at first for Benagli journalism – being first on a story like this is huge for the little nation – it was soon discovered the whole article had originated on the well known satirical news site, The Onion. Cute Human Interest Piece:
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olilolo blog
Keep in mind that the survey was asking if women had HEARD of these contraceptive methods. Not if they believed or even used them…
I wonder what people did after the bread failed on thrust number one? Did they reach for a new slice? How many crumbs do you allow on your junk before giving up?
You’d want to know a baker. Otherwise it becomes an expensive venture. Even a whole loaf is only going to get you through the first few minutes.
It’s people like this who don’t know about contraceptives… who are the same people who turn up in hospital emergency rooms with a whole host of inappropriate items shoved up their rectums.
HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.
People are into strange things…
And sadly, these are also the people who are breeding (cause they don’t know how not to)and teaching their children all they know.
Or the worst yeast infection you can imagine… mmmm chickeny.
You just know that puma is biding it’s time…