With poor sales and little publicity since his 2005 album Life, Ricky Martin has come out and declared himself gay.

Initial reports find the world unsurprised and still disinterested.

When the yawning reporters were told they had to ask about his new boyfriend, Martin simply replied with: “He bangs, he bangs. Oh baby when he moves, he moves.”

Indonesia serves up Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd a steaming cup of shit.

Indonesian President, and winner of the best name in politics, Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono has had the political world afire with gossip after giving the visiting Mr Rudd a locally produced and expensive gift – Kopi luwak or civet coffee.

This little known delicacy is produced by collecting coffee beans that have passed through the native forest dweller. It is known as the rarest and most expensive coffee available and can go for over £50 a cup in the wankiest cafes in London.

Mr Yudhoyono later revealed he did not realise the coffee was a delicacy, and had thought Mr Rudd would appreciate it as he was also a politican, and therefore already full of shit.

Scientists work hard to remain virgins.

In a blow to the IQs of the next generation, scientists have released a new and ‘exciting’ discovery which is ensured to keep the women at bay.

Astronomers dicking around with the contrast and brightness settings on their monitors have made a startling find. One of Saturn’s moons kind of looks like Pac-Man.

The scientists aren’t sure the exact meaning of the phenomenom but they believe it lends proof to their theory that god is middle-aged man stuck in the 80s, and is the source of such heavenly gifts as masturbation, MS-DOS and the Klingon bible.

Cute human interest piece:

It’s Prinny the swimming kitty! (Click here for more photos).