In a situation of political correctness gone mad, India has decided to ban a centuries old baby-tossing festival.

This year two-hundred infants were hurled from the roof of the nine-metre high temple in Karnataka, onto blankets held by the crowd below. The ritual, which takes place each December, is thought to bring good health and a long life to the baby, and prosperity to the family. If officials have their way will be the very last time the event is held.

The problem arose when deputy commissioner, R Shantharaj (aka Seargent Killjoy), was transferred to the area. Not being a local, he was unaware of the tradition and was horrified when he witnessed the act. He described it as “inhumane, and terrifying” for the children. Mr Shantharaj is confident that attempting to ban one of their ancient and revered traditions will help the community no longer see him as an outsider, and embrace him as one of their own.

In unrelated news sale in pitchforks have risen in the area 234%.

We at olilolo are shocked and horrified at this attack on tradition. I say if you don’t like it champ, grab your shit and go home, and as an act of protest I shall be flinging my child from the 30 storey window of olilolo Tower into a small kid’s wading pool below.

You have to be cruel to be kind in this world, and while I don’t know how that exactly relates to my child and a large drop from a building, I do know that I’ll be charging $35 bucks a ticket. So in the end, I guess the economy wins, and really isn’t that all governments really give a shit about nowadays.