With changing climate, and pressures put on animals by human encroachment into their habitats, times are touch for our critter friends. And not just tough in an “I can’t find food” kind of way. It turns out that all this destruction of the planet is putting a real damper on animals being able to find a mate. Global warming is cock-blocking the animal kingdom.
Scientists have been noticing the emergence of a brand new animal, created solely out of sweet interspecies love- the Grolar bear. Half Polar bear, half Grizzly bear, all Artic killing machine. Seriously, that’s a hybrid of the two largest land predators in the world. These things are going to sweep down from the Great White North and devour us all. How will they cross the oceans, you ask? They’ll fucking swim, that’s how. The ocean won’t be game to tell these guys they can’t.
Of course, this isn’t a Ways the World Will End column, so put that aside for now (seriously though, you’ve been warned). The intersting thing about the grolar bear is that it occurred completely on its own, in the wild, without human intervention. Until the thing lumbered at a group of hunters and was shot, presumably as the aborted first wave of their eventual killing spree, we had no idea polars and grizzlies were getting their bone on.
"It was screaming 'Death to all humans'. It actually screamed that."
Previous cross-species hybrids have all been created by humans, usually for a drunken bet. Thus we get useful animals like the Mule (a male donkey crossed with a female horse) and awesome animals like the Liger (a male lion crossed with a female tiger)
An awesome abomination of the natural order
Now, scientists are saying that changing conditions across the globe are going to see many species suddenly reconsider their priorities and maybe lower their standards a little. Researchers in Australia say they expect to start seeing hybrid bird species very soon, given the high nature of specialisation in Australia where there are often several sub-species of bird in a single area, all evolved to feed on diferent types of seeds and nuts.
The upshot of all this is don’t be surprised if you see a wallaroo on your next trip to the bush, or a zebraffe on your next safari. Not to mention King Douchbag Kirk Cameron might finally get his wish of seeing a Crocoduck.
This thing ignores the bread you're throwing and goes staight for the fingers.
Tags: The November Challenge, Weekend WTF
November 28th, 2009 at 16:08
Um http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wallaroo
November 28th, 2009 at 16:19
A Plataburra, then.
November 29th, 2009 at 11:36
Thank you. I like my fantasy creatures fictional!