So I saw Transformers over the weekend. It was certainly a movie. There is no disputing that fact. It was a film which was made and screened and no one can take that away from director Michael Bay. Just like they can’t take away his record-breaking weekend which makes Transformers 2 the second highest opener ever behind The Dark Knight, and causes some of us to wonder whether this whole “civilisation” thing was worth it in the first place.
Sure the film may have been ripped to shreds by critics like a baby dipped in gravy and thrown to wolves, but there’s that huge pile of money it made to basically render all their arguments moot. Sticks and stones may break Bay’s bones but names will never get past the security on his mansion made of platinum.
That said, Transformers did suck pretty badly. But surely we’re getting a little hyperbolic with our criticism? I mean, Bay can at least compose a beautiful shot of something exploding while a pretty girl strikes a spine-bending pose. Surely it could have been worse, right? I mean, I bet I can think of like, ten ways it could have been worse right now.
1-If the contant flashing, blinding light on screen had induced epileptic fits like that one episode of Pokemon.
2- If instead of just making the Twins hideous racial caricatures, it also went out of it’s way to show the other Autobots being racist to them.
3- If instead of Arcee receiveing 2 lines and little screen time, the movie had revolved around her physically abusive relationship with Bumblebee
4- If President Barack Obama had actually made a cameo in the film, and the Autobots told him they don’t take orders from “the dark-skinned humans”.
5- Is Sam was revealed to have been a Transformer all along.
6- If Michael Bay had just gone ahead and changed the names of the Decepticons to the Terror-Cons, which all came from France.
7- If instead of having the main protagonist be Sam Witwhicky, it was Adolf Hitler.
8- If the Autobots only managed to beat the Fallen with the power of Love.
9- If the movie had somehow given people cancer.
10- If Uwe Boll had directed it.
There. See? I don’t know what all you people are complaining about.
I didn’t like the first film. I thought it was bog but I had stacks of people asking me if I wanted to see it with them. I was considering going but then I read your tweets after you saw it and decided that I don’t want to see it.
Since then I have heard mixed reviews from mates. That being said, the mates with similar tastes in things to me have said that it sucked and the ones who I think have crap taste most of the time have enjoyed it. I rest my case. I will die a happy man knowing that I haven’t wasted my time on this movie.
Something that I find funny is that people are now comparing Transformers 1 favourably to Transformers 2. And they’re right, as far as standing in a pile of shit up to your knees is worse than merely standing in shit up to your ankles.
I imagine
“If Megan Fox was NOT in it” could make the list too.
Well, at least, so I’ve heard.
Ha. I was thinking of writing a blog about transformers but I’m glad you beat me to it.
I liked the first one. I feel dirty admitting that, but I did. Transformers 2 though can go fuck itself. Really get up on in itself, right to it’s own elbow because it was one of the biggest pieces of nonsenical shit I have ever seen.
I could fly a fucking a flaming Air France boeing through the holes in that story line. Where was the quality control? Sure Meagan Fox’s tits looked great when they were nearly falling out of her top as she ran… but the pyramids aren’t located anywhere near the Red Sea. Who cares? I do! It’s lazy, and it can’t be other pyramids because the Sphinx is seen in a couple of shots.
Michael Bay would make a great special effects engineer or something. A director he isn’t.
I almost feel dirty about pointing out it’s mistakes… but then I think of the arse-vomit I witnessed and find myself justified.
Listen guys, you are going too deep in your view of this movie. It was an excellent film for the following reasons:
1. It was 2 hours of transforming robots fighting unencumbered by anchors such as plot or reason.
2. Megan Fox is hot.
What more do you need?
The first movie failed because it sought to have meaning and forgot the fighting robots, this movie remedied the situation perfectly.
Is that you Mr Bay?
Sam was revealed to have been a Transformer all along.
I think this actually would have made it much better.
I liked both of them.
Why add to the gross product of a movie you know you will hate? Wining about it afterwards won’t stop him, only declining ticket sales.