My last e-tutorial explained how to blend pies with alcohol and reshape them into donuts. That didn’t go down so well with… anyone. So this month I’ve decided to double down and make an alcoholic chocolate beverage:

Ingredients

You are going to need a bottle of vodka and a carton of eggs.

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Free range, if possible.

 

 But Seriously

If you've never tried kinder chocolate, get off your computer and hurl yourself mouth-first into the confectionery aisle

If you’ve never tried kinder chocolate, get off your computer and hurl yourself mouth-first into the confectionery aisle.

Preparation

“Set aside” 1/3 of the vodka, leaving 2/3 remaining in the bottle:

"set aside"

Note the protein tubs above, which help sustain my healthful lifestyle.

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Cooking is more fun while drunk, anyway

Crumble the kinder chocolate…

Like so:

 

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… into the vodka:

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As the bottle fills with chocolate, it should look like this:

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Take a moment with your creation

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Chill for a while

You’ve done all the hard work. Take some rest. Or quickly catch up on some chores.

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fill up the dishwasher, for example

Wait, hold on.

What was that?

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“sup bro. Yeah, I’m just gonna chill out here for a bit”

If the vodka bottle wants to jump in on the dishwasher cycle, who are you to refuse it?

Let it “bake” for one hour:

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Check back in later

After an hour of “cooking”, check back in on your dishes (and vodka)…

well, the dishes are clean

well, the bottle’s definitely going to be clean

As you can see, the chocolate has melted (gasp!) and mixed with the vodka.

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Chill, Part 2: Chill Harder

Pop the vodka bottle in the freezer to cool it down:

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“yo I’m just going to chill here now bro”

Remove and serve!

Behold your kinderlicious creation:

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Serve each shot in a kinder surprise egg, of course:

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Bottoms up!

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hmm…

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“not bad”

Thoughts

The texture is a bit gluggly because the chocolate did not completely melt. This may be due to our rather… unconventional methods. But 80% of the chocolate melted into the vodka.

"close enough"

“close enough”

Unfortunately, vodka is really fucking strong. The result was tasty, but very strong. Perhaps it would work better with another spirit, such as literally any other spirit besides vodka. Rum should work well.

Decoration

Just as tequila is often bottled with a sombrero,

tequiladon’t forgot to cap your kinder vodka in kind:

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Now what

the hell am I supposed to do with all these kinder toys?

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Next month

We fry up a classic American-Chinese dish, “orange chicken”, with 10 times the recommended amount of sake.

drunk

2 Responses to “Vodka Surprise”

  1. I’m actually more than a little tempted to try this one.

    • Do it!

      You’re welcome to try mine first, I have heaps left over. I think you’ll agree that it would work better with another spirit though.

      Also, it’s a pain in the ass pushing kinder pieces into the bottle – get a chocolate bar and slice it lengthways instead. It will be easier (and cheaper).

      I couldn’t resist using kinder surprise eggs for the blog though. There’s something about this photo that makes me drool…

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