No, no, we’re not closing down or anything. Olilolo isn’t going anywhere.
Look, come down from there, you’ll hurt yourself. Are you alright? Here, have a glass of water. There, that’s better, isn’t it? God, you can be so melodramatic sometimes. What? No. No we’re not merging with a reptilian attack ship. That’s a stupid question and you’re a fool to have asked it.
It’s a stupid question because…well, good point, I suppose if the money were right…
Oh come down from there! Ah, forget him, he’s only a mediocre literary device anyway.
What I wanted to talk about today is The End of an Era. Namely: as of today, all the members of olilolo have full-time jobs. I will take questions from the gallery…
…
…
What job did you…?
WAIT FOR IT!!!
…
…
…
This is getting really…
SHUT UP!! I’LL EAT YOUR EYES!!!
…
…
…
…
…
…now. *beautific smile*
…
…
…
…look it’s alright now. I’ve given the word, you can all ask me questions.
…
…*cricket chirp*
…
…
…faaaart
…
Oh for god’s sake I’ll do it myself.
So what job did you get?
I am now the proud employee of an FM radio station, who, like B–s before it, I will never, EVER mention in full on a public internet Blog.
Oh go on!
No
So what do you do there?
I’m the new journalist for their hourly bulletins. I’ll be assisting the resident journo there, and eventually I’ll be reading the bulletins on-air.
Cool.
Thank you. But that’s not a question. If we actually had or gave a shit about Jeopardy in Australia then I could make a perfectly good joke there.
So what about the others? I’ve forgotten what they all do, and I have a morbid curiosity about the lives of strangers I know over the internet.
Brother, have YOU come to the right place! Doyle is the warehouse manager for a pharmaceuticals company, Bruce is assistant manager at an electronics store, Ben is in the Army, and Yongas, our newest, cuddliest member, works for a game design company.
So what does this mean for olilolo? Are we going to see the same high standard of content we’ve come to expect from the web’s finest information resource?
That’s an excellent question, Audience Plant No. 5. What it means is that there will probably be no change whatsoever. Let’s face it, I post pretty intermittently on this blog as it is, and as far as the Velour Asylum goes, it hasn’t changed since I first spastically vomited it onto the server, complete with one half-arsed article and eye-bleeding formatting. Basically, you can expect the same standard of mediocrity olilolo has become famous for.
How do you define “famous”
Being read by the five of us, some of our friends and family, and a guy I met on the net whose brother is going out with Doyle’s sister. Why? How do YOU define “famous”?
So how has this affected your social lives?
What social lives? We’re bloggers.
What was the other olilolo members’ reactions when they heard the news?
There were some strong words. Doyle disowned me for the second time that day, the first being when I ate a Kit Kat by just biting into it instead of breaking it first. Apparently that’s “just not done” in the Doyle household. Yongas responded by grabbing me by both ears and letting fly with a stream of vomit and bile, drenching my head in his stomach contents. I thought he took it rather well. Bruce tore his shirt and proclaimed that I was dead to him, before screaming manaically and rubbing himself against my leg, so no change there. And I haven’t seen Ben in weeks, we’ve been using a bot to randomly post things from him to keep his relatives from finding out the truth.
So what are the future plans for olilolo then?
We may update the site if or when we ever have another group meeting; the planets Venus, Mars and Jupiter align at perfect right angles; or a virgin is born in a week with two Mondays. Whichever happens first. Rest assured we have big plans, and, if we can ever be arsed to get around to doing them, it’s gonna rock!
Do you feel a tiny bit sad answering your own questions here?
The floor does not recognise the subconscious sense of shame.
Can you give us any details on future plans? Like the rumour that you’ll be broadcasting live the torture of a small asi….
BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! clickclickclick
Any furthur questions?
No? Well then, that’s it from me. May I just say that this is truly the end of an era. Five guys who went through school together, maintaining bonds of friendship even across great distances, having fun and generally acting silly, that has all, if not come to an end, then at least been severely curbed. Still, we’ve stuck together through all that’s come before, I think we’ll weather this too.
One final question-don’t you think it’s a bit egotistical to make out like your getting a job is such a momentous event? I mean, isn’t that a tad self-absorbed? Couldn’t you ha..
BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick
pant pant
clickclick
pant pant *reload*
BANG BANG BANG…..
I work as a Warehouse Manager for a pharmacy group, not a pharmaceuticals company. We buy from the pharmaceuticals company, and I sell to our pharmacies. Get your fucken facts straight, you fucken piece of shit! I WILL cut you.
*Ahem*
Ignore me while I stroke this large white cat.
May I also point out I scored a tshirt from a rival radio station because you got this job. A limited edition Mick Molly’s head on Sadam Hussein’s body (who is in his underpants) tshirt. 1 of only 200 printed. Famous recipients include: The newly born prince of Denmark (to Australian born Princess Mary) and Sadam Hussein himself (for his current trial). Why am I saying all this? I’ve been listening to this for the last 4 weeks…
Yay! I got a tshirt!
Also for those of you who are interested, Stuey got a job on “Christian FM”… and when he says he’s going to be reporting the news… he means ‘The Good News’.
You and I were never friends stuart….
Way to go Stu. Trembling with anticipation?
You have pointed out a severe flaw in my article. That one fact has ruined the credibility of everything that came before or after it. I may as well resign now from the radio gig, because it’s obvious that I am a lousy journalist and a poor friend. “pharmacy”. “Pharmaceuticals”. An unforgivable mistake. I will just have to move to Brazil and rely on my enormous penis to make it in the gigolo business. Adeus.
And your sarcasm earns you a Lorena Bobbit style mutilation. No gigolo’ing for you
I often wonder what people who don’t know us (who probably wouldn’t be here anyway) think of this ‘heated dispute’…
(referring to blog-post)
Is that the first time on the blog that olilolo has been written with a capital ‘O’?
I think there’s something in that for all of us.
Special in the “Special Ed.” kind of way?
I think he capitalised it simply because it was the first word in the sentence.
Yeah, he capitalised it cause it was the first word in the sentence. I just don’t think I’ve ever seen it written like that.
I did a quick search back through all the blog posts, and that is indeed the first time it was used with a capital ‘O’. Anyone care to refute my argument?
P.S. I’m not having a go at Stu. I love Stu, yes I do… particularly when his siblings aren’t watching (lest they get jealous).
Dear god you get fixated on the weirdest shit sometimes.
Fuck it!! Lets go to uptime!
(get it!! its like an in joke no one will get. huh!………… Guys?! um …………… FUCK IT!! (leaps out window)I REGRET NOTHING!!!!!………
I so totally bags that corpse!
Pingback: Penis Central Blog: From the Pen of David Ryan
WordPress generated that comment because I linked to this post in my blog.
I assume you are the same Bruce as the one at Dick Smith who refused to serve me because he was “with another customer”? Then let it be known that I was the one who dropped a pen lid on the floor and DIDN’T PICK IT UP. Oh man, I bet you wasted two seconds of your life picking that up.
That wasn’t supposed to come across so confrontational. I’m just surprised that olilolo is still stalking me. Why won’t you let me go?
As Aaron said on MSN tonight, “once we have you, you’ll never leave”.
If you took the shackles off, I might be able to.
Heh. You know an elderly, late-term pregnant woman tripped over that pen lid and ended up in hospital.
How do you feel NOW, huh? HUH!?
Seriously, I simply commanded one of my minions to pick it up. I then proceeded to berate her for being so lax in her attitude to store cleanliness, explaining that if you work in a dirty environment, that means that you have a bad attitude and consequently must be a BAD PERSON.
And after the workplace relations laws, if she doesn’t like it, she gets FIRED!
Where would be the fun in that?
Damn you and your quick-draw reply ability, Bruce! DAMN YOU!!!
call me?
I wish I had minions.
k this is funny but i think u guys r on cral
Who is Troy Siscoe?
And where can i get me some of this Cral??
Maybe he means “Crawl”. As in “Australian Crawl”. Cause that would make so much more sense.
I can’t believe you guys have never heard of Cral. EVERYONE’s doing it!
Doyle, you should know where to get some cral, being warehouse manager for a pharmaceuticals company and all.
i wish u guys didnt make me laugh so much. its embarassing in public internet cafes!
stuey: i fully support your working for Christian FM and Im sure when u start reading the news i’ll hear it now that im living with marnie and poppy. (thats if i havent slit my wrists)
if u read my travel stories im sure you would assume that i have done Cral but i too am stumped by this and would like to know where it can be purchased.
Oh no… Europe doesn’t have Cral… it’s purely Australian…
Australian like apple pie… I mean…. shit.