These are the few things I’ve learnt over the last two years of fatherhood:

- Putting a ‘reduced to clear’ sticker on your newborn’s head head may seem clever, but it will cause a rash for several days.

- Children learn to mimic you. It’s not long before they are laughing at their own farts. I’m told this is wrong.

- Your not allowed to teach your kid to splash your wife every time she passes the bathroom, not only is it irritating for her, but then the little shit’ll then slip on the wet floor at least once a week, cracking his head. The sound of crying is unpleasant on the ears.

“Uh, Mr Doyle.” “Huh?”, I opened my eyes. “This is quite important; you should probably be awake.” “Suit yourself.” I sat up a little straighter. “Also you can’t have that drink in here.” “What drink?” I sipped my drink and pondered the question. “Um, that one.” “What one?” I swirled my glass listening to the clinking of the ice cubes....

It’s fun to stay at the…

For a bit of a laugh my wife entered our son into a baby competition at the Mt Gravatt Show today. Great, I thought. Sounds kind of funny. Got to try everything once… It started at 9 a-freaking-m, and I am known to like a sleep in on occasion. It’s Sunday dammit, but armed with a video camera I dutifully followed my wife into the unknown… and it went for THREE hours! Three hours of judges interviewing children (and...

Before you complain about my lack of updates, here’s a quick five minute excerpt from my life: …………………………….. Courtney: Doyle, can you change Breandan? Doyle: What? You bitch!! Sure! Breandan: Wah-wah! Doyle: Okay, let’s do this spazfeatures. *Breandan put on the change table. Doyle: Okay let’s se the damage. *Nappy removed. Doyle: Oh… oh god. *Smell...