Vladamir Putin, Judo champion and Russian Prime Minister, has again shown himself to be the biggest bad arse politian in the world today by declaring war, on a meteor heading towards Earth. Russia’s Federal Space Agency’s science council will hold a closed session to discuss ways of diverting the rock, which will make several passes by the Earth from 2029, the closest in 2036.
“People’s lives are at stake,” said Mr Perminov, head of the agency.
Above: Mr Perminov at the Russian launch pad.
“We should pay several hundred million dollars and build a system that would allow us to prevent a collision, rather than sit and wait for it to happen and kill hundreds of thousands of people.”
While most of the world rejoices at this guesture of altruism from the former communist state, Hollywood is furious.
“The Russians talk about saving lives, well what about our livelihoods?” asked Rod Rogerson from the American Film Makers Guild. “If they pull this off, it’s going to ruin the whole meteor-disaster-film genre. People will lose their jobs! Who wants to see Russian’s saving the world?”
In a rare sign of solidarity, the top executives of all the major film studios have signed a petition against the Russian undertaking.
“Look, at this point they can choose to ignore us, but if they do we’re going to have to hit them with a cease-and-desist injunction. If they still proceed we’ll sue them for loss of income.”
When asked what they’d do if they were still unsuccessful, Mr Rogerson said “Well then we’ll have to go into crisis mode. We’re already talking to Chuck Norris to play the part of Putin.”