content top

Urges: My deep, dark (brown) secret

Urges: My deep, dark (brown) secret

Do you ever get an urge just randomly pop into your mind? An urge to do something strange or unexpected that you can’t entirely explain?

Do you ever see someone at the top of a flight of stairs, a friend, a loved one, and just get that urge to push them. You don’t do it, but you still think it. It takes self-control to quieten that voice and not give in. Most people are able to repress their inner urges, and most urges are but fleeting.

Sometimes they slip trough of course. It’s the sort of thing that leads to uncoordinated dads one day walking past and suddenly deciding to try riding their kid’s skateboard, resulting in broken bones and a fridge won on Australia’s Funniest Home Videos.

Or the sort of thing that makes a bloke decide to introduce himself to strangers while putting on a Scottish accent, which they then have to try and keep up all night. Of course you’ll meet a Scotsman and you’ll both know you’re full of shit long before you finish you first ‘aye’, but there’s no way you’re stopping now. So bring the tequila… uhh whiskey!

Crazed Russian president Putin, when he’s not invading other countries, has even been witnessed kissing a child’s stomach due to suddenly indulging his bizarre inner urges.

But even Putin’s crazed inner voice is more normal than what I must repress. What lurks within me.

Read More

First of May

With the extended hiatus, there were several olilolo traditions that were missed. One of the most important was the annual posting of the Jonathan Coulton song First of May, on the first of May. So now that we’re back, let’s do that right now. (Very NSFW, by the way)

Ah, that’s better.

Read More

Weather Bureau Admits “We Just Make It Up”

Weather Bureau Admits “We Just Make It Up”

Key officials from the Bureau of Meteorology have today confirmed they regularly just make up weather forecasts, confirming the suspicions of paranoid schizophrenics and angry grandfathers everywhere. Suspicions were again raised when another weekend of showers was predicted, which did not match the light clouds and mostly sunshine that eventually resulted. Several thousand people cancelled plans, only to sit glaring at the beautiful...

Read More

Vodka Surprise

My last e-tutorial explained how to blend pies with alcohol and reshape them into donuts. That didn’t go down so well with… anyone. So this month I’ve decided to double down and make an alcoholic chocolate beverage:

Ingredients

You are going to need a bottle of vodka and a carton of eggs.

20140417_173222

Free range, if possible.

 

But Seriously

If you've never tried kinder chocolate, get off your computer and hurl yourself mouth-first into the confectionery aisle

If you’ve never tried kinder chocolate, get off your computer and hurl yourself mouth-first into the confectionery aisle.

Read More

Happy Easter from olilolo (and Queen)

Happy Easter from olilolo (and Queen)

On your Easter Monday, why not kick back and take some time to bathe in this masterful performance by Queen, live at Wembley stadium on 12 July 1986.

What a concert this would have been! Support bands were INXS, The Alarms and Status Quo, then Queen came on and rocked 28 songs including 2 encores in front of 72,000 people.

Freddy, what a brilliant performer you were. You continue to make the world a better place.

Click read more for the set list.

Read More

Paleo Medicine

Paleo Medicine

Following on from the hit fad of the Paleo diet, comes the latest in ill-advised crazes: Paleo medicine! Got a headache? Forget paracetamol or silly old aspirin! Come in for a good old fashioned head drilling. Trepanation is the oldest form of surgery, and what’s good for the cavemen is good for the goose. We use only the finest blades carved from elk bone to peel back your skin and remove a chunk of your skull over the affected area....

Read More

Ways the World Will End – Supervolcano

Ways the World Will End – Supervolcano

There was recently a flurry of activity online, sparked by videos apparently showing buffalo fleeing Yellowstone National Park in the United States before a recent 4.8 magnitude earthquake. The thinking is that the animals were running for their lives, because they, like all the animal kingdom, apparently possess a super-sense which allows them to tell when a cataclysm is approaching. A large segment of the smelly parts of the internet...

Read More
content top