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It’s only a matter of time

It’s only a matter of time

Life isn’t easy for anyone. We all have our struggles. There’s something I’ve had to deal with for a long time now… I’m going to be King of the World. I know. Once I say it you see its inevitability too. It’s like when that bloke first proposed the wheel; it was obvious once it was said aloud. It hasn’t been an easy burden to bear over the years. I try not to bring it up very often. It’s hard arguing with customer service at the local...

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A Burning Problem

A Burning Problem

Our society today has many challenges to face. Dwindling resources. Rising labour costs. A general unwillingness to use children for mining work, despite their tiny bodies and supple hands being perfectly suited for underground conditions.

But those frustrations aside, there is a deeper, darker problem that sits at the very heart of all we hold dear and threatens to consume us all. Or should I say, a brighter problem.

For I am speaking about Fire.

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Getting Fit

Getting Fit

I’ve been eating so much celery. Did you know it’s a calorie negative food? Meaning it actually takes more energy to eat it than your body gets out of it? You didn’t? Well good, because that’s actually complete bullshit. It’s still better for you for breakfast than a bacon and egg muffin. Not, you know, in any way enjoyable or fulfilling, but better. Obviously. It’s healthy. I’ve been on a fitness...

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olilolo.com: Destroying lives

olilolo.com: Destroying lives

Chris McDonnell, a 31 year old North London man, has blamed his failed gastric-band surgery on the little known website olilolo.com.

Originally weighing 200kg, the heavily obese Mr McDonnell was given the tax-payer funded surgery to reduce his excessive eating and hopefully save his life, before it was too late.

Eating 15,000 calories a day, or six times the recommended limit, eating was part of his life.

“I did it without thinking. Huge portions four, five times a day, with several courses. Kebabs, pizzas, and burgers were my favourites. People told me to diet and I tried – but I just loved food too much. It was the most important thing in my life.”

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While Bruce attempts to escape the authorities…

It’s Bruce’s turn to post. He is again travelling internationally, tens of thousands of kilometres on his sex tour. So I threw this together.

I can’t draw. Deal with it.

urine drinking

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How do you get a ’90s Japanese craze onto a bus?

Pokémon.

pokemon red and blue

The Game Boy games that started the franchise; based on the concept of fighting random animals, beating them down, and then cramming them inside tiny balls; in a never ending hoarder-quest to trap and keep every, single species. Where was the mothers’ groups against THIS?

Through the illogical leaps my brain sometimes makes, I realised I hadn’t played Pokemon in 15 years and I should do that. Right now.

With next to no effort I found I could play it illegally on my phone, rather than how I used to, illegally on my computer. Let me say, 17 year old Doyle did not know how good he had it. I quickly found myself delving deep within the world, ensorcelled by its 8-bit charm.

So once again proving olilolo.com is at the forefront of pop-culture, here is our review of the 1996 classic: “Pokemon Red”.

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Thoughts of a Man Falling Down Some Stairs

Thoughts of a Man Falling Down Some Stairs

Based on a true story Man, that last beer really went to my head. I’ll just lean against this wall here and…. WHOA! OH SHIT! I AM TOTALLY FALLING RIGHT NOW! Huh, I guess that must have been an exit door or something. Well, I’m falling. I should try to tuck and roll out someth… AH DAMN MY KNEE Yep, that hurt. A lot. Have to make sure I don’t do anything like that agai… MY FACE! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE! Oh Jesus...

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