Before you complain about my lack of updates, here’s a quick five minute excerpt from my life:

……………………………..

Courtney: Doyle, can you change Breandan?

Doyle: What? You bitch!! Sure!

Breandan: Wah-wah!

Doyle: Okay, let’s do this spazfeatures.

*Breandan put on the change table.

Doyle: Okay let’s se the damage.

*Nappy removed.

Doyle: Oh… oh god.

*Smell hits

Doyle: What the fuck?! Seriously, what the fuck are you doing?

*Breandan smiles with the relief of having the nappy off

Doyle: Come on! Arrrggggghhhh. Fucking-shit-fucking-cunt!

*Doyle grabs his nose… then realises he has poo on his hands.

Doyle: AAAAAAAAEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

*Screams like a girl… then just sobs, and sobs, and sobs.

Doyle: Okay, okay control yourself. We can do this.

*Doyle realises there’s some around Breandan’s testicles

Doyle: Fuck off, that’s incest. Homo-fucking-sexual incest!

*Doyle grabs as big a wad of baby wipes as possible and wipes under Breandan’s nutsack as the tears flow.

Doyle: … wh….. why?

*Doyle wipes Breandan down then lifts him to make sure he’s got it all.

Doyle: HOW DID THAT GET THERE!! HOW THE FUCK DID IT GET UP YOUR BACK!!! FUCK YOU!!! FUCK YOU, BREANDAN!!!!! TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!

*Courtney walks in and has him changed and out the door in under thirty-seconds.

Doyle: … … … CUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

……………………………..

Unfortunately my rights to bitch lasted only a day before Courtney had to top me – Breandan did an incredibly stinky poo. So she went to change him, found all up his back and all up his front. Then while she was wiping him down his decided to take a piss all over her, the table the curtains and the carpet.

Courtney just has it lucky I suppose.