Despite the risk of inciting Stuey’s anger (again) for going all ‘live journal’, I present here to you my beloved reader the events of my weekend.

On Friday we had our “Cortex Christmas Party”. Bascially it was another Christmas party the company paid for, but just for head office employees. I assume the stores did their own thing as well, but maybe our bosses were wankers.

We’d booked a spot to play barefoot bowls at the Merthyr Bowls club at New Farm, right on the river. We rocked up and it instantly started spitting. “Fuck me we just got here” I said staring wild eyed at the clouds. Luckily it quickly dissapated, my work mates stopped shying away from me and we started the bowls.

Above: Merthyr Bowls Club. Random Photo from Random Site.

In good company spirit (pun intended, fully embraced and flogged for all its worth) there was a bar tab and I started setting about drinking my fair share of it. After no breakfast and it being before lunch I was starting to stumble a little bit after a few beers. After a few more I was encouraging everyone to sing Christmas carols (and sucessfully got a few lines out of them before we realised no one knows the bloody words to any). A few more after that I was having the time of my life!!! I remember having two brain fucking realisations. 1) I have feet (I only noticed while my eyes were transfixed upon them) and 2) the water in the bottom of some toilets looks like a map of Tasmania. Both brought fits of giggles as I tried to calm my excitment.

Unfortunately not everyone was having a good time. The HR manager was acting like she had just had some small and furry lodged deep inside her and it was causing constant ittitation. I’m an expert you know.

Before the last Christmas party she sent around emails strictly detailing how sexual harrassment cases go through the roof after such events and how everyone had to be on their best behaviour, and was basically sucking the fun out of it before it’d even started. The second she left a cheer was nearly let out. Everyone started smiling more and joking around more coarsely. We (blokes and girls) dicussed for a good hour how we were all gonna go to a ‘Titty bar”, but it didn’t eventuate. Whenever anyone made a sexually explicit comment everyone said “Woah, settle down there. That’s sexual harrassment. Watch it *HR Manager* might be around. You’re in trouble now”. I’m not 100% sure whether anyone there actually likes her… if they do I am so fired. Win!

Eventually after copious amounts of drinks, the drunks who were left (there was about 9 of us) and the nice boss went out to the valley to play pool. He was drunk but drove some of us. I luckily went with a sober driver. It was nice but I really can’t play pool drunk and the nice boss bought us drinks, before his wife yelled down the phone at him and picked him up, so my ‘skillz’ were getting worse.

Realising I had no idea where I was, I rang Yongas at 6 and with the vague directions of “I’m on Brunswick Street and I’m playing pool” he found me and we departed for home. That was of course after some interesting Kebabs (half beef, half chicken) and baclava (drool). I had the worst hang over by 7.30… 7-f*ing-30!!! I have never gotten hung over by stopping drinking. My god it burned so bad. I had the worst headache and I made sure everyone knew about it. In future I’m going to drink till I drop.

*sleep*

I woke up Saturday morning feeling relatively chipper and headed up to Garden City with Yongas and Court to do some Christmas shopping. I didn’t really have much to do. I only had Amy and Mickey really to buy for but I couldn’t find what I wanted for either and apparently you can’t buy 4 month year olds anything fun. Its too violent. He’s too small. He might choke. Babies don’t drink vodka. Pfft!

When I was there I bought myself a present. Being generally disapointed with my presents in the past few years, I decided why bitch about it when I can just buy myself something I wanted. Conequently I have this wrapped under the tree:

Above: Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots

Unfortunately Mattel in their “remake” shrunk the robots to half their original size. Damn corporations!

This blog post shall be completed in part 2 shortly.

Recommended Link: If these words were people, I would embrace their genocide – Maddox’s, of The Best Page in the Universe fame, article about how much he despises blogs and all internet creations vaguely like them. He’s an angry, but amusing man