I think Olilolo started going downhill when Stuart began taking hallucinogens. It definitely jumped the shark when, over a three-day-long acid trip, Stu rewrote Marx’s communist manifesto, succinctly arguing that communism was the inevitable end-result of capitalism.

In the months that followed, Stu began taking bribes from Rugs-a-Million and various porn empires, to support his drug habit. In return, he promised to subtly reference them in his posts. The Olilolo board of directors had no idea of his shady business deals until, one day, in a drug-induced blunderous haze, he advertised both Rugs-a-Million and porn in the same post.

Rugs-a-Million soon became the focus of media criticism; it was believed that the company was nothing more than a front for a nation-wide franchise of illegal brothels. When the company closed down due to poor reputation and declining profits, no one turned up for the “closing down sale”, believing this to be yet another hoax.

Meanwhile, Stu was checked into a rehab clinic for celebrities, where he quickly forged a number of friendships that continue to this day. He wrote in his autobiographical book, The Stuey Saga: Why I Am Just So Darned Neat, that his drug addiction had never been his choice.

“Some asshole began with putting shrooms in my cereal,” he explained. “Before I knew it, I was hooked. To make matters worse, my good friend Bruce tried to turn me gay, and days later I was abducted by terrorists demanding to know where I’d hidden the jewels.”

All in all, Stu’s time in showbiz was short-lived but controversial.

“I would have loved to continue with Olilolo,” he wrote in the final chapter of The Stuey Saga. “But I guess I just wasn’t cut out for the limelight.”

His book ends with the poignant reflection:

“Now that’s what I call a mineral moment!”

The Stuey Saga hits bookshelves this weekend.

– Mauso elMaco.