olilolo blog

I sat at my desk happily. It was just another day on the job.

I turned to my coworker, Sara. She frowned.

“What?” I asked. She always frowned at me.

“You’re a slob,” she said, pointing at my feet. It is true that I was leaning back in my chair, and that my feet were resting on the desk. Sure. But sometimes, we all need to take a break.

“Look at you,” she continued, still gesturing at me. “There’s a bucket of hot wings on your stomach!”

Okay, yes, I was also eating at this time. But in my defense, the television in the lunch room was broken, and a hilarious Youtube video required my immediate attention. I wasn’t moving anywhere, and I was hungry.

“I’m fuelling up,” I replied. “For the big game.”

“You’re fuelling up with hot wings?”

“A bucket thereof, yes.”

She sighed, and turned back to her computer. My phone rang.
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A SHORT DISCLAIMER

Today we welcome the delightful Jeff into the growing list of olilolo guest writers. I’ve known Jeff for several years, and in that time he has only tried to drunkenly make love to me once. Or was that the other way around? It’s so hard to keep straight these days. The point is, he’s a fine, upstanding fellow; a paragon of the community.

So to compensate, he’s going to drop the C-bomb approximately 50 times in the next several paragraphs.

I seriously cannot stress this enough- if you are offended by that word, DON’T READ THIS ARTICLE. It’s sprinkled liberally. If your tastes run towards blander fare, then this dish might prove too spicy. You were warned.

-Stu

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“What’s cunt got to do, got to do with it?” ~ Socrates

A lot.

I was reminiscing the other day about the good times had at Springwood State High School. Ah, how we laughed back then. We would frolic in the meadows, play hand-ball in the mornings, and then adjourn to the classroom at a time of our choosing, quite often 15 minutes late, to talk to our friends and pay no attention to the teacher. What a beautiful, innocent time it was. Every morning seemed to hold the promise of an enchanting day ahead, and we were rarely disappointed. But time passes and pleasant memories fade into obscurity as the soul-crushing-weight that is life beats you down. You have to adapt to survive. To stay alive.

How do we do this? Well, back in those wonderful days, I was a well-mannered and polite young man. Fast forward to today and I’m a foul mouthed cunt. See what I mean?! That is how I adapted. That is how I was able to stay alive. I was trying to figure out what caused this change in my modus operandi, when I realized what it was.

Bunnings Warehouse.

I’m almost certain that working at that place gave me my sailor’s mouth. When I began working there, my mind was still impressionable and as fluid as the changing tides. Fluids naturally assume the shape of their containers, and assume I did. Bunnings is a place where poor management, gay slogans and outrageously hot temperatures combine to strip all hope of happiness and love away from you. You have to fight to survive.

Yeah, fuck yeah.

Some of my swearing transcends the constraints of conventional curse words. Chief among my expletive phrases is ‘cunt up’. What does that mean, you may ask? ‘Cunt up’ has many and varied uses. Its versatility is unparalleled. Below is a Macquarie Pocket Dictionary definition which I hope to see in print in the near future.

cunt up
/kunt up/ n., v., adj., adv., 1. disbelief, shock: “I can’t believe that happened to you. Cunt up!” 2. quiet resignation: “Cunt up.” 3. congratulations, praise (often accompanied by a smile and a handshake): “Cunt up, mate!” 4. replacing a phrase (such as “Let’s get this show on the road”): “Cunt up, everyone!” 5. colloquial, to stop (someone) from talking: “Cunt up!”

I could go on, but I think you get the gist of it.

Though using such foul language may be viewed by the public at large as a disgusting and inappropriate form of expression, it does serve a vital purpose. It allows me to vent my latent fury in a safe way, as opposed to raping women and aborting pregnancies with a swift roundhouse kick.

Imagine Tina Turner singing about that.

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If you enjoyed that filth, Jeff posts other dirty little ramblings on a blog of his very own, Man Date.

Here I am in this mythical blog world! Joy.

I’ve recently signed up for this thing that, you so called ‘people’ post so called ‘humour and witticism’ on (or it depends on which way you swing).

Anyway, as you may or may have noticed my ‘log in name’ is ‘Strangely Brown’. Yes you read right. Strangely Brown I hear you ask? It means whatever the hell you want it to mean. The slightly ‘off’ green coloured thing thing you leave in the toilet each morning. Jarvish. The colour of my undies or that thing on your inner thigh i see every night while i watch you shower (what the hell is that anyway). You decide my feathered friend.

Anyway, back to the ever so painful point. I stumbled accross this site During a drunkin masterbating frenzy. Fending off monkeys as I came to an anger fueled climax. The Emus had fled and the Llhamas stopped spitting, there it was. The postings of Disco Stu! This guy, girl, shaved yak for all we know. Pure genious. Inspired, it occured to me. I must follow the preachings of this Dictator Like Disco Stu!

So here I am drunk, covered in piss. I sit swimmingly admiring the beauty. This is my attempt whether frequently or infrequently I shall add a post.

A post. A hairy post reveiling daily, weekly, monthly, yearly idiosyncrasies that occur as I slide down this razor blade I call life. Join me as I take off my pants and delve deep into my hairy life as i spray it accross this sexy site. So listen up bitches keep your eyes open and your cocks out, cause StrangelyBrown’s about.

I had the pleasure of reacquainting myself with an old familiar the other night, one whom I have not seen for well over ten years. It was a surreal experience to welcome back McDonalds’ fine McFeast Sandwich, now in Deluxe formation.

I would like to invite you to share in this heartfelt re-union with me by supporting your local McDonalds Co-Op and purchasing one of these elusive, indulgent sandwiches.

Good to have you back, old friend!

- Courtesy of Guest Blogger “Doug”

I think Olilolo started going downhill when Stuart began taking hallucinogens. It definitely jumped the shark when, over a three-day-long acid trip, Stu rewrote Marx’s communist manifesto, succinctly arguing that communism was the inevitable end-result of capitalism.

In the months that followed, Stu began taking bribes from Rugs-a-Million and various porn empires, to support his drug habit. In return, he promised to subtly reference them in his posts. The Olilolo board of directors had no idea of his shady business deals until, one day, in a drug-induced blunderous haze, he advertised both Rugs-a-Million and porn in the same post.

Rugs-a-Million soon became the focus of media criticism; it was believed that the company was nothing more than a front for a nation-wide franchise of illegal brothels. When the company closed down due to poor reputation and declining profits, no one turned up for the “closing down sale”, believing this to be yet another hoax.

Meanwhile, Stu was checked into a rehab clinic for celebrities, where he quickly forged a number of friendships that continue to this day. He wrote in his autobiographical book, The Stuey Saga: Why I Am Just So Darned Neat, that his drug addiction had never been his choice.

“Some asshole began with putting shrooms in my cereal,” he explained. “Before I knew it, I was hooked. To make matters worse, my good friend Bruce tried to turn me gay, and days later I was abducted by terrorists demanding to know where I’d hidden the jewels.”

All in all, Stu’s time in showbiz was short-lived but controversial.

“I would have loved to continue with Olilolo,” he wrote in the final chapter of The Stuey Saga. “But I guess I just wasn’t cut out for the limelight.”

His book ends with the poignant reflection:

“Now that’s what I call a mineral moment!”

The Stuey Saga hits bookshelves this weekend.

– Mauso elMaco.

You guys might know me as the girl that hung around the house that “Doyle” lived at. Yea, that’s right I’m her. I’m Kristen Doyle. Sister of “Doyle”.

I was chatting to Ben tonight and he asked about Schoolies. I told him I had blogged it on my msn space. He seemed horrified and disappointed like he is when I speak like an American. (By accident) So he recommended I write it here for your enjoyment (or whatever you wanna call it). So thus, writing privileges.

My 2005 Schoolies experience….. (editted for olilolo.com)

I’m stuck as to where to begin. Well first of all, I’ll explain Schoolies for those who don’t know what it is. Schoolies is a huge party week down at the Gold Coast for all year 12s which have just finished school. The motto I saw on a hat was something like “Stay up. Drink up. Hook up.” Basically, it is just one huge party with thousands and thousands of teens squeezing into Surfer’s Paradise.

My particular schoolies group consisted – Nikky, Beck, William, Elliott, Luke, Dhanika and myself. The 7 of us stayed at a 4 star hotel named “Zenith” between the 19th-26th of November. Our building was located across the street from the beach and 20m from Cavil (which is where EVERYTHING happens….day and night).

The night before, I got to dye my hair. Well, I had this fabulous image in my head of bright pink hair that would stand out through any crowd. I was ready. So to start off, I was going to dye my hair blonde so you could see the pink awesomely. The problem was, all it did was gone about 2 shades lighter to a light-orange. It was such a little change that barely anyone recognised. So still in hope, we put the pink in. It ended up staining Jeremy’s hands for some time it was that strong, so therefore it had to be good! Nah, it was alright. My hair was this reddish-pinkish colour. It was actually pretty cool but not the effect I was after.

DAY ONE – SATURDAY 19TH NOVEMBER

The week started off with everyone meeting at my house at about 10-11am. After all the sorting of luggage (and the finishing of packing of me) we finally head of sometime around midday and I followed a little bit later in my dad’s Ute. Once I got down there, I called up everyone to get their bums down to help with all their stuff and mine. I looked up and I see 16 floors up, a few people waving their arms around at me. We were high up! YES! Once we finally got upstairs (one of the lifts was broken so it took forever), I was so shocked. The place was just so awesome. Big living room, big TV, 2 balconies, huge bathroom, 3 bedrooms, en suite, big kitchen – dishwasher included. But wait, there’s more – outdoor pool, indoor pool, spa, bbq area, sauna and tennis court. It was a 4 star hotel at its best.

Once we had settled in and had unpacked a bit, we went grocery shopping. We then went to the beach to collect our arm bands. These bands covered us for the whole week full of beach parties, free food and lots of other free stuff that we didn’t realise we needed it for. (You just did it) Once we got back we did some more settling and then Matt Micthem came around! He was there all afternoon and night and was eating everyone’s food. No, STEALING everyone’s food!

At about 8, we all went down to the beach party. The thing was that, it didn’t really pick up until 9 but once it did, it was packed and pumping! It was awesome fun. They had 2 stages at night – Red Frog stage and ummm some other one. Red frog usually had dance music like R&B etc and the other had rock music and heavy metal. We only stayed out until 9:30pm the first night because Beck, Luke, Dhanika and myself were a little wary of the “biggest nights” conditions. You’d walk down cavil and it would be so packed you had to hold on very tightly to eachother’s hands. And on the beach, you didn’t dare go into the centre of any of the mosh pits. (We saw some couple having sex in a mosh pit one night…..hmmm hygenic!!!)

Once we got back we watched some Angry Beavers and had like a big sleepover. We chatted, played truth or dare and mucked around until about 3am. Luke and Dhanika put Rebecca’s shoes in their boxer shorts while she was in the toilet and when she came out, she got a shock when they removed them! During truth and dare, Luke goes “We’ll go in alphabetical order! Wow we are sitting in order – Q (points at me), R (points at Dhanika Rubasinghe), S (points to Rebecca Simson)….” HOLD UP…..Q? So that is where my new nickname “Quishten Qoyle” originated from.

While we were playing, Nikky brought a girl up to her room and of course we all grasped this opportunity for a dare. We all have the one balcony backing onto our rooms and Dhanika and I ran across it and peeped in it obviously so they’d see us. But, unfortunately they didn’t and fortunately they were only talking! Damn lesbians….where’s the fun in that!

Sometime during the night, we kicked Matt Micthem out. Well, Elliott did. He went down and gave him his stuff hinting that we wanted him to nick off. Rhys Coldrick also got bashed. Some guy randomly walked up to him and bashed him. He was ok though. Fortunately. Elliott even got hit in the face by some random dude but just ignored it.

DAY TWO – SUNDAY 20TH NOVEMBER

Beck and I woke up at about 8:30am to hear that “Gold Digger” song and then it was stuck in our heads for the rest of the day. After we all had breakfast, Luke had the idea of going to the sunday markets. Problem was…we didn’t know where they were. So Beck, Luke, Dhanika and I headed to Cavil to look for some information dude thingy to tell us where to go. We went to the first one and she was pathetic so we went to another and she sucked….so we stuck with what the first one said and decided we’d go to the Carrara markets which we had to take a bus to.

While we were waiting for the bus, we decided to pick up our Evolution Dance Party tickets so off we went to schoolies central. We got there and asked a volunteer and she said “Go to the beach. You collect them at one of the tents”. So off we went to the beach. We got to the tents and the next volunteer said “Go to schoolies central. They have them there” So back we went to schoolies central. “Excuse me, where do we get our Evolution tickets?” “Around the back of the building” So off we go around the back of the building. “Do we get our evolution tickets here?” “Not til 12pm” (We look at our watches – 11:25) SCREW THIS! So we went back to the bus stop. What a waste of fricken time.

We caught up with Nikky before we left the bus station and then left for the markets. They were really cool. They had heaps and heaps of stalls. The girls gave Luke a makeover by picking out 2 shirts, a hat and a necklace for him. I ended up buying a Tinkerbell beach towel, 2 bracelets and some hair thingys. We were there for about 2 hours before heading home in the humid rain.

We got back about 4 and met up with Justin, Jono, Nick, Amy, Scoot and Mitchell on the beach and they came back to our apartment for a while. Sometime that afternoon we ended up plucking Luke’s eyebrows to complete the makeover we started at the markets.

Also as we were getting ready to go out that night, Dhanika created a quote that was then used repeatedly throughout the week – “A change of pants, is a change of lifestyle”. This quote was then used in the context like: “Beck and I are going to go change our lifestyles”

That night we (Beck, Me, Luke, Dhanika) met up with Jono, Justin, Mitchell, Scoot, Amy and Nick again and we went looking for putt-putt. We couldn’t seem to find it so we gave up. While we were walking, a can had fallen metres away from us. It was so scary and then later, an egg hit the ground just in front of us and splattered some of us. You really do need to wear a hard hat as you walk around the area!

That night we went to bed about 2 after chatting quite a bit again. I can’t exactly remember much about when we got home but we probably just chatted like the night before.

DAY THREE – MONDAY 21ST NOVEMBER

I think this day had to be the most eventful and may be quite a long post. Be prepared.

The day started off with me waking up at about 8:40am thinking: “I should really put those clothes from the washing machine in the dryer…… Grr fine! I will!” Damn my conscience. Finally Beck woke up and gave me some company and soon after, people slowly awoke too.

Bronwynne arrived about 10/11 and was staying until about 5/5:30 that afternoon.

The day started off with a shopping adventure at Pacific Fair. It is this huge shopping centre about a bus ride away from Cavil. We met up with Jono, Justion, Amy, Scoot (i think) and Nick too. We spent our afternoon there wasting our precious savings away. I ended up buying a pair of shoes on sale from city beach, 2 shirts for Lachlan and a schoolies shirt for me.

That afternoon, we went and collected our evolution tickets. We also got some free stuff and our picture taken. There was some guy there from Fat Pizza but I didn’t care or notice. We then went and caught up with my friend Amy! I hadn’t seen her since my birthday and before then, I hadn’t seen her in years! She came back with us to our apartment and when we got there we met up with John, Darryl and Po. So we all went up to our apartment and hung out until 6ish when visitors had to leave. We walked Amy down Cavil to meet up with her friends. We saw these awesome new age toilets! They are like space age! They talk to you and have buttons for all sorts of crazy things! (I then found out when I got back that my dad had and has been doing electrical work on them recently!). They were super cool. Once we left Amy, we went back and I cooked tea.

Luke and Dhanika had been out at Jono’s apartment so it was just the 5 of us for dinner. We agreed that Nikky, Beck, El and myself were going to evolution sometimes after 8 and William was going to some party downstairs.

Evolution actually was pretty good except it was quite empty which made it feel a little awkward. But it was heaps of fun. The 4 of us danced to all sorts of dance-like music (lol). They had all the typical disco sort of stuff with lights, stage and video clips. They have us a glow stick and a chuppa chup on the way in too. Sweet. More freebies.

Once we got sick of evolution (we’d been there about an hour) we headed for the beach. Here we met back up with Luke and Dhanika and lost Elliott somewhere as he met up with Nikky or Will. So the 4 of us headed back to the apartment. This is where it all began….

“Let’s drink!” was the decision and drinking it was. In about 30mins, I had about 2 cans of Red Bear and 2 shots of straight vodka (or as Luke and I called it “Cough Syrup”). I’m not much of a drinker and I was feeling terribly tipsy and giggly soon after. I don’t remember the order of things but I do remember them happening. First of all, I remember the washing machine. The washing machine we watched for I’d say….an hour? In this time, Luke and I had finally grasped its routine. 27 revolutions in every 22 second period. Then, it would go the opposite direction for 27 revolutions in 22 seconds. Fascinating. “GO RED SOCK” “ONE GOT STUCK….DID YOU SEE THAT? DID YOU?”

Next, paper towels. It seemed to be more present that Luke would find the use of something to also be a hat. “This voucher could also be used as…..a hat” And paper towels proved to be no different. “Paper towels could also be used as….a hat” He said putting three squares on my head as I giggled uncontrollably but trying to keep them there. “Why thankyou. How many hats do you want?” “Four” So I ripped four ‘hats’ and placed them upon Lukes (now redenning from laughing) head. “We have seven hats Dhanika!” “SEVEN HATS” The laughing continued. Luke picked up the paper towel roll and made an elephant noise through it like a speaker. My turn. I grabbed it and made a rooster noise. We laughed once again. Dhanika’s turn. “YOUR TURN DHANIKA!” I have no idea what the hell Dhanika made the noise of but I’ve never heard something quite so funny (but not) in my life. I laughed so hard that I think that might have killed more brain cells than the alcohol did.

Now what else? Yes, there is more. Two words – Ray Gun. William was running around playing with the ray gun which made cool ray gun noises. Luke freaked out. No, he FREAKED OUT!!!!!!!!!!!! “OMG THERE’S A GUN! AHHHHHHHH! I’LL TAKE THE BULLETS FOR YOU KRISTEN” He says jumping in front of me. He then falls to the ground, rolling around screaming about the gun hysterically. He finally gets up and I grab his face between my hands.

“Luke….the gun is a fake”
…..
“You bought it”
…..
“You brought it to schoolies”
……

There was a little bit of a pause until Luke broke out – “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! It’s a fake! Its ok Dhanika, its a fake!”

Funniest. Thing. Ever.

At one stage Luke was sitting on the couch and then all of sudden started getting a nose bleed. Dhanika handed my tissues and I pinched Luke’s nose. “Oi Dhanika, grab me a pillow his head is on the cane of the couch (the hard bit)” “I don’t want the cane. The cane is for naughty boys” Luke said as everyone should have simulataneously hit their heads at his stupidity.

Finally the last highlight was the syrup. Luke asks “Is there anything else I can drink?” and William being the smart arse goes into the kitchen and grabs the maple syrup and hands it to Luke. Luke tries desperately to open it but fails. As he’s trying hard, Dhanika realises and takes it off Luke. “William you dumbass are you trying to make things worse?!?!?!” Hehehehe….the answer is, Yes.

Finally, we started to settle down and the washing machine didn’t seem so inviting anymore. We tried putting Luke to bed but I was still as giggly as he was and we kept talking about big philosphical things. Finally, we decided we’d just sleep in the living room all together. The boys grabbed 2 matresses and the 4 of us lay on them. Admittedly, we didn’t get to sleep until 4:30 and did wake up sometime around 6:30-8:30 not sure…but it was all part of the fun! Minus the hangover….Shweet.

DAY FOUR – TUESDAY 22ND NOVEMBER

Tuesday was also another eventful day but nowhere as eventful as the last.

Once we all woke up, we all decided to head to the beach. We all got ready and I had spoken to Lachlan. Beck and I went to the shops for a quick stop in and then went back. By the time it was to leave, I didn’t feel like going so I stayed back. While everyone was gone, I had music up loud and was cleaning the apartment. I did that for like an hour and it still didn’t seem to have any improvement at all. Soon enough, everyone came home again and the mess started all over again. Among the group, came John Jackson – A guy I remember from primary school. He’s a friend of Luke’s from church and also went to Villa. Suprise, suprise….he knew Lachlan. I thought he was joking but maybe not!

Anyhoo after I had a shower Will, Luke, John and I went to “Pancakes in Paradise” an all you can eat pancakes place. You can eat as many pancakes with butter and syrup as you please for only $7.50. Awesome. It was good fun. Pity we could only eat a few. John – 3, Me- 4 and Will + Luke – 5. They were just so filling but goodly! The place was awesome! I recommend it to anyone going to Surfer’s.

While we were off stuffin our faces, Elliott and Nikky went to get their nipples pierced! Owie owie ow ow! They also waxed the night before and if having a sore and itchy chest wasn’t bad enough for Elliott, he now had the agonising pain of a nipple piercing. They later found out that the peircest did it wrong and will need to have it fixed up in about a month or so. Unlucky! Poor guys… but hey, that’s what you get for shoving a peice of metal through one of the most sensitive parts of your body!!!

We then went and found Lachlan outside Macca’s and then went back to the apartment. Our apartments had a rule of no visitors after 6pm so what we did was bring Lachlan to the apartment at 4:30 and he didn’t leave until the next day. That way they were completely unaware of his existance as we never left the room. Sweet.

Anyhoo, that night we watched Harry Potter 4. Yes that’s right…I saw it before all of you!!!!! Anyhoo yea we watched it as Lachlan brought it with him and brought his DVD player. No one really went out that night as the beach was deserted (could see from our balconies) due to heavy rain. Later on we all heard some awesome music being played (after the rain had eased off) but it was after midnight and we didn’t bother. Why couldn’t they play that one RHCP song I love the most – Suck My Kiss. I heard it three times that week but never when I was at the beach…..dammit!!!

At one stage, these random dudes walked in our door. They just waltzed in and started listening to Dhanika play the guitar. I tried telling Dhanika to stop so they’d piss off but he kept playing and the people kept pouring in. We made a human barricade blocking the hallway (subtly) so that no one could go steal stuff. But unfortunately, someone stole the ray gun (the very one Luke freaked out over). Will was so furious he went back to try and retrieve it. That was the last time we ever saw that precious gun. When they returned asking for more music, we gave them Dhanika(+ guitar) to keep them away.

Anyhoo after some arguing and tiffs between everyone, Lachlan and I settled in the living room on the fold out bed for the night. But we weren’t going to sleep. Oh no. Luke, Dhanika and Will sat for hours talking to eachother (and Lachlan) about pants and then taking honey shots. Pants. What a conversation. “We should have ATM pants” said one. “What about pants that are a car?” Lachlan added. The random variations continued until I thought I would never want to wear pants again due to my sudden hatred of them.

Not long after, there was a knock at the door! AHH!! Hide Lachlan! So Lachlan and I ran into the bathroom in case it was the owners. We sat in there for something like half an hour talking waiting for whoever it was to leave. Finally, they left. It was some Red Frog dudes. Phew.

Then finally, the boys went to bed and it was time for Lach and I to sleep. We chatted for a while and didn’t end up getting to sleep until some time like 3:30am. By then, I was so stuffed I probably fell asleep half way through a sentence (as Lachlan has before)

DAY FIVE – WEDNESDAY 23RD NOVEMBER

This day was rainy, coldish and horrible. Perfect beach weather! NOT!

I spent most the morning in bed as everyone wandered around and did stuff. I tried calling home but obviously my mum was having too much fun without me to answer. So I called my brother, Ryan. He does little every day so I was bound to have a chat with him. We spoke for a while and then I got up. By the time I had got up, it was almost time for lunch so Lachlan and I decided we’d go out to eat.

After showering, we went to the fish and chips place just down from our apartments. I have to say, I was disappointed. I had walked past this place heaps of times during the week and was merely impressed by the glances at the food people were being served. Mountains of scrummy food. But we got some lousy food. A small handful or chips and 6 calamari and 2 peices of fish (which if joined could have made half a peice of fish). Not happy Jan.

There was this RACQ Free2go combi van thingy that we’ve seen before in the city. They were giving away free stuff so we went over to suss it out. I got free tattoos, sunscreen and a chuppa chup! WOOT! There was also this sign up thingy for free car insurance for 12 months or until I’m 18. I signed up. I said to the dude: “I don’t even have a car….” – “That’s ok! Go ahead!” I didn’t dare tell him I didn’t drive because I wanted to win something cool. Anyhoo, after signing up you got to fish out a toy fish out of a blow up pool and it would say what prize you got on the bottom. I fished out some ugly purple fish and the guy went to the van and brought out 2 shirts! “Pink or browny green?” “PINK!!!” And there is how I got my bogan shirt. (Bogan adventures continue shortly)

When Lachlan and I got back, we were drenched and cold. I chucked our clothes in the dryer and suggested we go for a swim in the pool downstairs. The indoor pool was packed due to the weather so we went to the outside pool. Brrrrrr….It was chilly! We soon discovered the most scariest thing in the water. No it wasn’t Jaws and it wasn’t urine. It was a CONDOM. God only know if it was used but I think I rather not know. I wouldn’t like to know if the other 2 sitting around the edge of the pool were used either. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW……

That ruined our fun so we retreated back to the apartment were we hung out at for the rest of the afternoon until I walked Lachlan to a bus and said our goodbyes.

That afternoon I felt bad. I was soooo tired. I spoke to Aaron for a while then I slept an hour. Then, I felt great. Absolutely fantastic. We were going out with John D and Bron and were going downstairs to meet them. I was ready to go bouncing down the street on a pogo stick yelling: “I LOVE SPIDERMAN” at the top of my lungs and singing “We are the champions” by Queen. But to my disappointment, no pogo sticks were to be found so I retreated to being a bogan. Yes, a bogan.

Picture this. Tattoo on the cheek, peeling including. Messy hair, chlorine smell also included. Bright pink free shirt which was 3 sizes too big. Hair up but up in pegs. Yes, pegs. The ones you’d hang your washing up with. And lastly, my bogan song. “I’m a bogan and I don’t care! I’m a bogan and I don’t care. I’m a bogan and I don’t caaaaare! Cause I’m a bogan and I don’t care!” (Little jig included)

“That isn’t how a bogan talks!” Luke pointed out. “It is more like ‘Oh yea, how’s it goin? G’day..”

“Oh…..” I said blankly and paused a moment in thought. “I’m a bogan and I don’t care…..” I repeated this along the beach with my little jig until I started to hate the sound of my own voice. Ok, so I wasn’t really a “bogan” I think I was just more of a retard.

Later on we went with Bron somewhere to pick up some guy she liked. Meh, I was too busy being silly to notice what we were doing much. I was cheering myself up in everyway possible so I didn’t pay much attention to anyone else. Sorries. I remember Bron saying: “Stop talking to Lachlan” – and then she left. It made me wonder why she cared so much if I was on the phone or texting if she wasn’t even with me.

The 4 of us headed back to the apartment as the idea was that we were going to get drunk. Well Luke, Dhanika and I were. But after 2 shots of Malibu…I felt guilty and stopped drinking. I said I’d be a good girl and I good girl I’d be…

The 3 of us chatted until like 3:30am and Luke and I left Dhanika in the double bed and went into a room with 2 singles to sleep. Thing is, we stayed up until the sun rose chatting before we fell asleep and I think we did sleep. But it was only for an hour tops. The beach and everything looked so beautiful in the morning. It was just so beautiful I could have cried! It was a picture I’ll never forget…

DAY SIX – THURSDAY 24TH NOVEMBER

Yes, I do remember Beck telling the 3 of us to go to bed early. Yes, I do remember planning to go to Dreamworld that day. Yes, I also do remember you need sleep to function….

We got up at 7:30/8. We were to leave for the bus at 8:30. We all lay on the beds in Beck and my room. We all looked horrible and were so incredibly tired. “Come on!” Beck urged us. But we were all zombies and I think I was the leader of them. “Do we have to go?” I said in a very annoying childish tone. We all then decided we could go to Dreamworld anytime and we were all too stuffed to care.

After numerous messages from Jono and the crew saying we should go and how much fun they were going to have, I suggested we said in a sms. “Okay you convinced me. I’ll meet you by the not-going-to-happen-pool!”. We all laughed. Then slept on the 2 beds. Three on one and two on the other. Squeezy.

At some stage, I surfaced and heard a voice coming from the kitchen. “WAI?” I totally forgot Wai was coming up this day and I was glad we didn’t head to Dreamworld which would have left him all alone in Surfers! It was a pretty good day. We just hung around and relaxed.

We headed down the beach for some beachy fun but unfortunately, the rain stopped it soon after arriving. But we did score a free sausage, slushie, a go on that spinny ball thing and a headland picture. It was cool. You stuck your head in one of those cut out face thingys. The guys went in the chick faces and the girls went in the guys. Mitchell, Will and Dhanika went on that ball thing. They’ve got guts.

We then later went shopping but not for very long as I wished to get back early. It was then that I decided that tonight was my last night. If I could have, that afternoon would have been my departure time. For reasons I do not exactly wish to disclose, I wanted to get home. I’ll just say, I needed to get home due to relationship problems.

It was actually quite a sad thought to think tonight would be my last night. I packed away all the clothes I didn’t want and I packed away all my stuff apart from my toiletries and things like my camera. People did ask me to stay and people didn’t quite understand why I had to leave in the morning but I knew what I was doing was the best thing I could do for me. Case closed.

That night El, Dhanika, Scoot and Luke went for a walk after hanging out at the beach a little. It was a good chance to chat to Elliott which I had hardly hung out with all week. At one stage Dhanika and Luke carried me away from Elliott as he was “hogging” me (LOL). We then hung out at the beach for some time just chatting and stuff.

Eventually, we headed back to the apartment and Luke, Beck and I sat in our room chatting. I dozed off so Luke went to his room as I got back up and got ready for bed. I finally settled back into my bed about 2:30am-ish and that was my last night at Schoolies 2005….

DAY SEVEN – FRIDAY 25TH NOVEMBER

Today was my last day at Schoolies 2005. I was actually both sad and relieved to be going home. I woke up relatively early (8:30) and made some phone calls. I then finished my packing and had a quick brekkie.

Beck (due to running) and I were both leaving this day so we decided to do some last minute shopping at 9:45. I shopped mostly for souvenirs and a schoolies t-shirt. I had to wait 15 mins to get the shirt and it was fortunately the last one and luckily my exact size! They had to take it down off the display! The guy waiting there was all like: “You guys hook up this week?” And I told him I had a boyfriend so he asked again… “So did ya hook up this week?” I felt like saying: Sorry mate. I’m not one of those sluts you’re probably used to asscoiating with. – But I didn’t.

We got back about 11 and it was soon until my dad would be there to pick me up. My dad came sometime after and I let him come upstairs. I showed him around and then we got everyone together for some schoolies group piccys!

Shortly after, I said my goodbyes to everyone and grabbed my stuff. Beck and Luke came down to say goodbye and to help with my stuff. Then I said my final goodbyes and off I went….Back home to Brisbane to start my life of freedom…

SCHOOLIES CONCLUSION

There will always be things about that week that I will never forget. How William would sit on the balcony of a morning with his cup of coffee and prunes like an old grandpa. How eatging Spaghetti turned into a spaghetti fight. How no matter when it is, there’s always something interesting happening on someone else’s balcony to watch (mainly girls flashing). How if a few bubbles are blown off a balcony, people on levels below you instantly pay attention from you. How no matter how early you get to bed, people will chat to you until they themselves are ready to sleep. How you can live across from the beach for 7 days and only go there for 1 hours tops all week (and it rains!)

I’ll never forget that week. Yes I may have forgotten parts of it and I may never remember all those people we did meet throughtout the streets and the beach, but it will always be in a way memorable.

The media really blows schoolies out of proportion. There is barely anything you hear about. Throughout the whole week I only saw one fight. And it was a fight that was about to happen. I saw one punch thrown. And it was a drunk fat chick hitting some guy walking past her and her boyfriend. I saw no one arrested. I saw one guy approached by police and that was Dhanika…..for carrying an air horn.

So that’s all from me….

~Kris or should I say, Quishten Qoyle