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Implausible Story “Totally Not” an Urban Legend: Idiots

Implausible Story “Totally Not” an Urban Legend: Idiots

People throughout Brisbane are assuring friends and family members that a story they heard from a guy about this friend of theirs is absolutely not a bullshit urban legend.

The story has been given wide coverage in “the Media”, with friends telling people that “it totally made the news, like, last year I think.”

The details of this shocking tale are as follows: A female youth of at least drinking age was making out with a man possibly a bit older (although maybe not) on the dance floor of the Victory Hotel.

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You’re Nikko-ed!: Texta-Mask Bandits Caught Black-Faced

Two would-be burglars have been caught red-handed, and black faced as they tried to flee from an attempted robbery.

The two geniuses, Matthew McNelly, 23, and Joey Miller, 20, sought to break into a flat in the US on the weekend, but were forced to flee the scene after witnesses interrupted their attempt. Their bad luck didn’t end there though, and they were soon caught nearby when police identified them by their nikko-pen masks they had drawn on their faces.

Texta Bandits

In a stroke of pure, unadulterated intelligence the pair saved themselves the three scant dollars it would have cost to buy a women’s stocking, and used permanent marker to draw on masks… evidence they were then unable to remove from their own skins.

This comes soon after another criminal recently got caught soon after fleeing a bank robbery. The perpetrator, armed with a gun, threatened the staff and stuffed as much money and (unbeknownst to him) dye bombs down his pants as he could before waddling out of there as fast his over burdened legs would take him.

A short time later he was rushed to hospital with second degree burns to his testicles, after police found him cowering with what we can only assume was a serious case of blue balls.

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Opportunity Knocks

Opportunity Knocks

I slowly opened the door, calling out. “Mr Doyle, it’s me. Are you… oh.”

He was passed out on the floor. It wasn’t a surprise really, but I had no idea how he got the blow-up children’s pool past me into his office.

“What? Huh?” he sat up startled. He glanced at his watch, still holding a drink. “It’s still early.”

It was eleven in the morning. He slammed the drink back, and threw the glass through the open window. My mouth dropped open.

That was new.

Stretching he mumbled, “That’s okay though Jacinta. I feel fan-bloody-tastic.”

“It’s Alendra sir. You weren’t even close that time; I’ve been working for you for…” I drifted off, finally taking stock of the situation. “Are you wearing a coconut-shell bikini?”

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Back for more adventures, it’s…

Pythagoras 2

(If this picture looks weird/doesn’t load properly, click on it to view it at full size)

For the first issue of Pythagoras: Click here.

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The Worst Band of All Time

The Worst Band of All Time

Discussing music can be a tricky business. Music inspires passion, and bad music inspires even more passion. Terrible music can make you beat your children in fury. And in the inevitable discussion which is sparked by bad music, a lot of words get used which people don’t really mean. For example, a phrase which gets trotted out with surprising regularity is “The Worst Band of All Time”. Now, I know it can be tempting to throw that term out there in a fit of passion over a band you really, truly despise. But you have to realise this is a dangerous term to bandy about, as you must take into account every band who has ever existed and played in front of an audience. There are some truly terrible bands causing disturbances on the airwaves right now, but are they really the Worst of All Time?

I don’t think so. And to prove it, I did some Science and discovered the actual Worst Band of All Time. There were machines involved. The Worst Band of All Time was-

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I Have Beautiful Thighs

I Have Beautiful Thighs

Hi This is my first blog here just thought I’d tell the world that I have beautiful thighs. I am especially proud of my left inner thigh. I enjoy the way I chafes slightly when I walk and if you listen close, real close you can hear a slight “swooshing” (no pants required).

Occasionally I like to rub sorbeline cream deep into my left inner thigh to revitalize and lubricate its supple flesh. I don’t do much to my right inner thigh however; I don’t care for it really. I am still bitter at it for marrying the girl I had a crush on since an early age.

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