Heh, not like that you sicko. Yesterday, after many restless seconds of waiting, dreaming, scrimping and careful consideration, I finally lashed out and bought myself an MP3 player. Yes, I am that wanker you see on the train with the earphones and the stupid remote control dangling from the cord listening to that ridiculous boom-tss music.
In my view, this is the classiest MP3 player ever. It provides a spacious 256MB (around 65 songs-worth) and includes an FM radio and voice recorder, as well as an MMC slot for memory expansion (too bad the MMC cards costs more than the actual player). It also came with a weirdly stiff plastic wrist strap and crappy set of budphones which has the aforementioned (very plastic) remote on the cord.
And what would you expect pay for this masterpiece? $400? Nowhere near. $200? Cheaper. $3.95? Now you’re just being stupid. No, this entire package – the player, crappy wrist strap and budphones for only $48!
Unfortunately, it has the effect of making you look vaguely menacing to all of the other patrons on the train (damn hoodlums and their MP3 players), as well as turning you into more of a target for mugging (hah! joke’s on them) and assult. It also makes you less friendly. People who I may once have stopped to have a chat with (for example someone who I saw today who I went to school with and haven’t spoken to since), pale into insignificance. No way I’m taking out my earphones to listen to your shit, buddy.
I am soo cool.
…no, seriously, what are you selling?
Wow… this post is good. It’s got pezazz…
You heard me.
It’s got more than pezazz, it’s got that special…”oomph”. Why, if we take this show on the road, we can charge the schmucks two bits a head, and free popcorn. We’ll be rich I tells ya! RICH!
Do you want an MP3 player, Stu?
I can do you a good deal.
A veeeery good deal
I’d recommend an iPod if you have many songs, but my friend’s iPod was stolen on the weekend by a large man in the valley.
You heard me. A large man.
I’m still not sure how the joke was on the thief, but I’m sure you know what you’re talking about. I’ll take three!
What I meant was that it’s a cheap, crappy player. So it’s not worth stealing.
iPods are waaaaay out of my price range.
The benefit of my MP3 player is that if someone threatens you for it, you can just give it to them and not be that much worse off. Hence joke’s on the thief.
Heh, “hence”.
Nice work Brucey, although my iPod Kicks your MP3 playe’s arse. No really. It has the size advantage.
Also, its about time some new posts were put up here, Ben’s post was the only one for like, days. Don’t you know I have nothing better to do than read your amusing stories? I hate you all. Slackers.
Hey Cilley-
scroll down a little. No a little more…ah, yes, there. Not too hard to find, is it?
Stuey! Keep your perverse, incestual batner to yourself thanks.
hi dudes!
i agree with camille. its been too long since posts. im still bored and jobless.
can i get oen of those mp3 players brucey?
You must first answer these questions three.
what questions?
WHAT, is your name?
Jacsta
WHAT, is your quest?
Yeah. About those MP3 players. I went and spoke to some guy at another store today. He recommended that I return it immediately for a refund cause they’re dodgy as shit. I’m not going to, because I’m willing to take that risk, but anyone else who is considering them, be warned.
thats really hard.
to be the best that i can be? no boring.
to be the best shag that i can be
Jac flies into the air and hurtles, screaming, into the abyss below
does that mean that i failed the last question?
Yes. And the reference. Now shut up. You’re dead.
sorry,
aaargghhhh.
gurgle
spit some blood
Nerd references…. is there anything better?
To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of the women?
I was mean to be asleep half an hour ago… damn you people and your enticing erotica.
I know. Me too. Two words.