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olilolo.com: Destroying lives

olilolo.com: Destroying lives

Chris McDonnell, a 31 year old North London man, has blamed his failed gastric-band surgery on the little known website olilolo.com.

Originally weighing 200kg, the heavily obese Mr McDonnell was given the tax-payer funded surgery to reduce his excessive eating and hopefully save his life, before it was too late.

Eating 15,000 calories a day, or six times the recommended limit, eating was part of his life.

“I did it without thinking. Huge portions four, five times a day, with several courses. Kebabs, pizzas, and burgers were my favourites. People told me to diet and I tried – but I just loved food too much. It was the most important thing in my life.”

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While Bruce attempts to escape the authorities…

It’s Bruce’s turn to post. He is again travelling internationally, tens of thousands of kilometres on his sex tour. So I threw this together.

I can’t draw. Deal with it.

urine drinking

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How do you get a ’90s Japanese craze onto a bus?

Pokémon.

pokemon red and blue

The Game Boy games that started the franchise; based on the concept of fighting random animals, beating them down, and then cramming them inside tiny balls; in a never ending hoarder-quest to trap and keep every, single species. Where was the mothers’ groups against THIS?

Through the illogical leaps my brain sometimes makes, I realised I hadn’t played Pokemon in 15 years and I should do that. Right now.

With next to no effort I found I could play it illegally on my phone, rather than how I used to, illegally on my computer. Let me say, 17 year old Doyle did not know how good he had it. I quickly found myself delving deep within the world, ensorcelled by its 8-bit charm.

So once again proving olilolo.com is at the forefront of pop-culture, here is our review of the 1996 classic: “Pokemon Red”.

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Urges: My deep, dark (brown) secret

Urges: My deep, dark (brown) secret

Do you ever get an urge just randomly pop into your mind? An urge to do something strange or unexpected that you can’t entirely explain?

Do you ever see someone at the top of a flight of stairs, a friend, a loved one, and just get that urge to push them. You don’t do it, but you still think it. It takes self-control to quieten that voice and not give in. Most people are able to repress their inner urges, and most urges are but fleeting.

Sometimes they slip trough of course. It’s the sort of thing that leads to uncoordinated dads one day walking past and suddenly deciding to try riding their kid’s skateboard, resulting in broken bones and a fridge won on Australia’s Funniest Home Videos.

Or the sort of thing that makes a bloke decide to introduce himself to strangers while putting on a Scottish accent, which they then have to try and keep up all night. Of course you’ll meet a Scotsman and you’ll both know you’re full of shit long before you finish you first ‘aye’, but there’s no way you’re stopping now. So bring the tequila… uhh whiskey!

Crazed Russian president Putin, when he’s not invading other countries, has even been witnessed kissing a child’s stomach due to suddenly indulging his bizarre inner urges.

But even Putin’s crazed inner voice is more normal than what I must repress. What lurks within me.

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Paleo Medicine

Paleo Medicine

Following on from the hit fad of the Paleo diet, comes the latest in ill-advised crazes: Paleo medicine! Got a headache? Forget paracetamol or silly old aspirin! Come in for a good old fashioned head drilling. Trepanation is the oldest form of surgery, and what’s good for the cavemen is good for the goose. We use only the finest blades carved from elk bone to peel back your skin and remove a chunk of your skull over the affected area....

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