olilolo blog

I’ve written a couple of times about the so-called generational divides, seperating such generational classes as Generation Y, of which I am a member, from, say, the Baby Boomers, of which my parents are members, and Gen X, of which the older, cooler guys who used to sell weed behind the bike sheds in high school are  members.

Generational issues can shake a society to its core. The activism of the Boomers who made up the core of the anti-war movement in the 60s, to those same Boomers graduating college, cutting their hair, and proceeding to drive the world into an economic black hole in the 2000s. A generation naturally shapes the world in its image, which is why we all have to be worried for the next 10 years or so, as the Boomers step aside and Gen X gets a shot at ruling the world. The generation of MTV and irony is going to be calling the shots. Start investing in bottled water.

Far from that, though, is the issue of what to call a generation. It has to be something of its time. Baby Boomers are so called because they were part of the post-WWII sex explosion which resulted from a lot of young men realising they’d just survived the biggest conflict in history, and it was time to get their bone on. Gen X was so called because of the nihilism and disconnectedness of their formative years.

But after that they started running into trouble. Generation Y was called that because it was the Generation after X. Clever, I suppose, but not exactly a defining name. Or maybe it is, in a way; Gen-Ys have perpetually lived in the shadow of their GenX older siblings. Maybe the name reflects the inferiority complex which infects most of the cohort.

“Generation Z” was just lazy, though. I mean, come ON, Generation namers. Z? Really? As in “after Y”? Someone came up with that after a long lunch, and then called it a day. How do you even get that job, anyway? Does it pay well? Cause I’m pretty sure I could waltz in and just blow them the hell away. “Generation Tyrannosaurus”. You can have that one for free, generation namers, but there’s plenty more where that came from. Call me.

Now, though, I’m really annoyed. Because you know what they’re calling the NEXT generation, the group of rugrats who’ll start appearing from next year, some of whom have already been conceived and are just waiting until January 1 so they can sally forth and lay claim to their birthright?

Generation Alpha.

Yep, you heard me. GENERATION A. They have literally just zipped back to the start of the alphabet and started over. That is lazier than the laziest man in Lazytown (A little place just west of Racistville). That is not even trying.

Oh sure, they dress it up with fancy language by saying that the generation is the first born into the 21st century, the first to properly grow up entirely in the digital age, but come on. Not to mention that it gives the little bastards a superiority complex immediately. “Ooh, we’re Generation Alpha,” they’ll txt. “Look at us on top of the generational ladder.”

Also, if you want to blame someone, blame this guy. I pretty sure he’s the one who put the idea in the generation namers’ heads.  Or possibly blame Kurt Vonnegut, a member of the Greatest Generation, who mentioned it during a commencement address back in 1994-

“Now you young twerps want a new name for your generation? Probably not, you just want jobs, right? Well, the media do us all such tremendous favors when they call you Generation X, right? Two clicks from the very end of the alphabet. I hereby declare you Generation A, as much at the beginning of a series of astonishing triumphs and failures as Adam and Eve were so long ago.”

You were a couple of decades out Kurt, but you were always ahead of your time. And as a member of the last generation people could actually be proud of, well, we can’t really stay angry at you.

Generation A. Generation Y’s kids. I hate the little bastards already. I can’t wait to suck the world dry and leave them with the husk, and then die laughing. I learnt my lessons well.

Tags: The November Challenge

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