Australian award winning rock band Wolfmother has broken up, citing long-standing personal and musical differences.
Excuse me for a second, I just need to go do a little dance.
…
There, now that’s done. I am, however, still dancing in my head. I will be for some time.
It’s just that, as some of you may know, I really, really hate Wolfmother. I do not like them. I dislike them intensely. I am not a fan. It is safe to say that, even if you conducted a thorough and exhaustive search of my wardrobe, you may find several disturbing things, but you will not find a Wolfmother T-shirt.
I’ve hated them since basically the first time I heard their fuzzy, limp “rock” assaulting my stereo, and I have cultivated that hate ever since. It wasn’t easy. When they were handed every award the Australian music industry could give them (including several I’m convinced were invented specifically so they could be given to Wolfmother) I was angry. When they won a Grammy, I was livid. When several cockholes compared them to the Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, Deep Purple AND The Beatles, I assaulted several small children. But it’s hard to maintain that white-hot rage over several months of endless repetition of their songs to the point where even I was forced to admit that MAYBE Joker and the Thief was kind of catchy.
But maintain I did. And now comes my reward. The only dark note that sounds is the announcement that despite being basically reduced to a solo novelty act, Andrew Stockdale is determined to keep his little personality cult going, and release another album.
I always thought Stockdale was an insufferable rod-holster, and now I have the proof. How do I know? Easy- the other two band members from Wolfmother whose names I have never bothered to learn are going to form their own band together. This is an old industry practice that enabled you to basically fire someone you don’t like by “breaking up the band” and then reforming with everyone except the dick you don’t like. It’s an old trick, and a good one, and I’m glad Stockdale is the butt of it here.
Not to mention, consider what these two would have gained just by gritting their teeth and suffering through whatever private hell Stockdale created for them. They’re an internationally renowned, multi-platinum selling, award winning band with only one album under their belt. They knocked it out of the park on their first go at bat, success-wise. They have millions of dollars and success and acceptance and, lets face it, they are probably thigh-deep in fresh groupies to boot. And they have their entire career ahead of them. It takes industrial-grade douchebaggery to up stumps and walk away from that, and yet that’s effectively what these guys did.
So with Wolfmother gone and the Rogue Traders long since split, all I need now is for Jet to finally stop fucking living and I can have my Holy Trinity of Annoyance obliterated forever. I should start a rumour one of them said the other was fat.
August 14th, 2008 at 06:15
All we need now is for Wham! to reform, and this will be THE GREATEST WEEK EVER!