For those of you who are incredibly stupid let me reiterate:
- Jacqui is a friend of mine. She’s in Europe on a holiday.
- I do not hate her. It’s a joke.
- She emails a large group of people about her trip at irregular intervals.
- The black writing is from her original emails.
- The blue writing is what I called the ‘implied meaning’… ie: I made it up.
- It’s funny when you read what it should have been compared to what it is… totally different stories.
- I justify doing this because she emailed me before she left saying:
Feel free to pass it on to anyone. I didn’t manage to get everyone’s email address so I’m relying on you to keep everyone linked. You are the centre.
So with the powers of centrality on my side I have set forth to inform the world about some of the most memorable moments of Jacqui’s life.
Enjoy!
……………………………………………………………
Sunday 4th Sep 2005
Hi everybody! Hi Dr Jacqui! Do you get it? We Europeans are sooo funny.
Hope you are all well. If anybody ever goes on tour and tells you that you can’t find plenty of cock for a quick, hot beef injection and that they can’t email their exploits home too often because the internet places are hard to get to. Feel free to call them liars! It’s pure laziness, I’m telling you now… cock and computer everywhere! Motivation is the problem.
So… I’m currently inside some Pommy girl in Prague in Czech Republic with only 5 days left of my tour, and am tossing off this Italian guy who was watching. Shit they said come on up so I did. English girls are so hot! I’m think about maybe doing a tour of the UK when I get back.
Since I last emailed you I have been to and ‘experienced’ the people of Nice, beachy and warm; Florence, boring and warm; Rome, busy and very warm; Venice, gorgeous, full of mossies and warm; Austria, fantastic and reasonably warm except for when I was paragliding and canyoning; and Prague, different and (you guessed it) warm. Thanks for the advice on the warm clothes marn… Silly old girl thought I’d be needing some.
My favourite place so far was Venice and St Johann in the Austrian Tyrol. Venice is just plain old beautiful (although I was disappointed that our gondola driver wouldn’t take me, spread eagled on the boat. Boy could I have made him sing) and the Austrian orgy was so exhilarating. I also hooked up with a Norwegian who went paragliding (that’s right… little miss freaked of heights) and canyoning (abseiling, jumping and rocksliding down waterfalls). It was definitely up there in the memorable days. I don’t think I’ve ever been so excited/scared/exhilarated/cold/ or proud of myself for not passing out. He was a machine! I’m ready to go with a skydiving instructor now… I can do anything to anyone.
Prague is a lovely city although the camp site leaves a bit to be desired. There’s not even any soft grass. My arse is so chaffed. Wouldn’t be surprised if it used to be concentration camp! Very different architecture in every city I’ve been. Unfortunately I’ve been feeling unwell since Vienna and so am skipping out a bit on the sightseeing today. Think I should stop going horizontal dancing every second night and just have some real sleep… you don’t understand the peer pressure!
I am making some great friends over here and I love the tour guide, cook and driver often. Everyone is a lot of fun… except for a few whining kiwis… apparently rape is still illegal over there but oh well.
Anyway, I’m gonna go to bed now and drink my fill of lemonade and man meat, (it’s 4 in the afternoon) and hope I feel better for the Berlin Pub Crawl tomorrow night. Think I might give it a miss after enjoyingthe whole Prague nightclub last night.
Love yas all, *cock reference*
Jacqui.
eeh hee hee
Thats about 100 times better than one of pauls…and its even based on a true story!
respect.
Okay enough weirdness…Have a nice day
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